It feels so good to finally be able to write a letter to you and call you by name! We had your name picked out at 14 weeks but wanted to keep it a secret, so for the next 25 weeks, that's what we did. All of my letters to you remained nameless. I love being able to call you by name now.
You are already one month old. I can hardly believe how fast this time has gone. Yes, there have been very slow moments. Like when you were only a week and a half old, and I was up with you almost the entire night, trying fruitlessly to rock you to sleep. But mostly, it's gone by at lightning speed. And I know that the time is going to continue to speed past me. I'm going to blink, and you'll be graduating from high school, then college (if you so choose), then getting married (maybe not necessarily in that order, if you follow in the footsteps of your dad and me), then having babies of your own. I'm already looking forward with both excitement and dread for those events to come. I'm excited to see where you will go and what you will do and who you will become. I'm excited to learn more and more about you as the days go by - your talents, your interests, your spiritual gifts, your passions, your dislikes, your adult height, your final hair and eye colors. But I dread the knowledge that these moments with you are so, so fleeting.
Right now, you are sleeping soundly on my chest, as is your morning ritual. You always take a nap about this time of morning, and you never let me put you down for it. You are only interested in your morning nap if it takes place on my chest. Sometimes I wish you would let me put you down so I could eat breakfast before 11 am. But most days, I truly just savor hearing your steady breathing and your sleep noises, feeling your warmth against me, seeing you smile in your sleep, and knowing that there is nowhere that you feel safer taking your morning nap than in your Momma's arms. I love this. And so, on those mornings when my stomach is telling me that I need to get you to learn how to go down for your morning nap so I can eat breakfast, my heart reminds me that the days when you will want to lay on my chest for a morning nap are limited - so very limited. And with that knowledge, I quiet my stomach and follow my heart. I don't want to miss a single moment of this.
At a month old, you have stolen my heart. Not that you didn't have it before. But every day, my heart swells with more and more love for you, and every day, you steal those new, swollen parts and imbed yourself further and further into my heart until there's no part of me that you haven't touched.
At a month old, you are my pride and joy. You are sweet-tempered almost all the time, except when that nasty gas (which visits you more than either of us would like) makes you fussy.
At a month old, you are finding your voice more and more. You make these sweet little coo noises during the day (and sometimes now even in your sleep), and it melts my heart every time.
At a month old, you are becoming more and more interested in the world around you. You have a lot more open-eye awake time than you did even just a week ago, and I love looking at your beautiful blue eyes as you explore your environment.
At a month old, you are growing like crazy! At your one-month appointment, you weighed 10 pounds 15 ounces (75%) and were 23 1/8 inches long (95%). And your doctor did notice that your hands are pretty big, too!
At a month old, you are continuing to develop your sleeping skills (they're not quite up to par with dad's yet!). We try to put you to bed around 8. Some nights you are fast asleep by 8:30 and sleep until 12:30 or so before you wake up to eat. Other nights, like last night, you fight sleep with all of your might and are up and down several times between 8 and 11, when you finally lose your battle and give in to sleep...after a little snack, that is. Normally, you will go about 3 hours on the dot in between feedings at night, so we usually only get up 2-3 times between bedtime and morning. You're starting to have one 4-hour stretch in between meals almost every night now, too, and I'm very grateful for that. You've even gone 5 hours a couple of times, but that's pretty rare.
When you do go to sleep, you are the loudest sleeper I've ever known! You grunt and groan and whine and squeak and sometimes even give one long, loud cry in your REM sleep. On more than one occasion, I have gotten up to respond to that one long, loud cry, only to find you fast asleep.
At one month old, you are a great eater! You eat every 2-3 hours during the day. When you're really hungry, you attack me like a shark with this wild, overexcited look in your eyes and squeak (loudly!) while you eat when you finally latch on. Those crazy shark eyes almost always turn to sleepy eyes, though, and you are usually almost asleep by the time you're ready to be done eating. Now that you're a little older, you usually are able to keep your eyes open after one or two feedings during the day, but all of the rest lead nicely into a nap.
And speaking of naps, at one month old, you are quite the snugglebunny! You love, love, love being held and cuddled. Which means you do NOT like being put down for naps. You'd rather take your naps in someone's arms, thank you very much. Whenever you're crying, you will calm down instantly as soon as I pick you up (except during your pre-bedtime fuss-fest that is becoming a regular installment in our evenings between 6-8pm). I like to think that you calm down so quickly because you know your Momma is holding you and loves you, but probably you'd calm down no matter who picked you up. Someday soon I know you'll recognize me, though, and I'm very much looking forward to that day!
At one month old, I love you more than I can say. You bring such joy into my life, and I love getting to spend my days with you. You are amazing, sweet little boy! Happy 1-month!