Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I Can't Wait...

...to be a momma. Sometimes it's all I think about. Sometimes I think about how I should be a momma right now. I should have a precious baby in my arms. My baby should be almost a year old by now.

I'm sad that I don't even know exactly how old my baby should be. I miscarried a few days before I was supposed to go in for my first prenatal appointment, so I will never know for sure exactly how far along I was or what my due date would have been. So I can only guess and, based on my best guess, my baby would be eleven months old right now.

Right now, I should be starting to plan my baby's first birthday party.

Instead, I don't have my baby in my arms. I don't get to plan a birthday party.

I'm just left with this desire to be a momma.

Before Brady and I got married, I didn't want to have babies for a long time. I mean, I wanted kids. The Lord knows I wanted kids.

In fact, when Brady and I first met, I told him that I wanted seven kids. And he married me anyway :)

I still want seven kids. I want a bunch of children that make up a large, loud, fun, crazy, wonderful family.

I just figured that we'd wait several years before starting our family.

But after my miscarriage, this incredible (and incredibly strong) desire was awakened within me. Now, every time I am late even a few days for my period, I hope desperately that it is because I am pregnant. I start dreaming about how amazing it would be to find out that I am carrying a little one inside of me.

I used to want to wait a few years to start our family. But I don't want to wait any longer. It's been a couple years, and I want to start now.

So now I guess I get to work on patience...

1 comment:

  1. I know just how you feel. Stevie was our little surprise, but now I just want to be a mom to a living baby so bad. You'll have that big, crazy family one day, I know it! :)