I'm sad that I don't even know exactly how old my baby should be. I miscarried a few days before I was supposed to go in for my first prenatal appointment, so I will never know for sure exactly how far along I was or what my due date would have been. So I can only guess and, based on my best guess, my baby would be eleven months old right now.
Right now, I should be starting to plan my baby's first birthday party.
Instead, I don't have my baby in my arms. I don't get to plan a birthday party.
I'm just left with this desire to be a momma.
Before Brady and I got married, I didn't want to have babies for a long time. I mean, I wanted kids. The Lord knows I wanted kids.
In fact, when Brady and I first met, I told him that I wanted seven kids. And he married me anyway :)
I still want seven kids. I want a bunch of children that make up a large, loud, fun, crazy, wonderful family.
I just figured that we'd wait several years before starting our family.
But after my miscarriage, this incredible (and incredibly strong) desire was awakened within me. Now, every time I am late even a few days for my period, I hope desperately that it is because I am pregnant. I start dreaming about how amazing it would be to find out that I am carrying a little one inside of me.
I used to want to wait a few years to start our family. But I don't want to wait any longer. It's been a couple years, and I want to start now.
So now I guess I get to work on patience...