Floating

My sweet little Boy,

That's right, beautiful Baby, we found out today that you are FOR SURE a BOY!!! By the way, I'll warn you in advance that this is going to be a long post - lots and lots of updates :)

Your daddy and I have been so sure for so long that you were a boy, and we were right...and we're beyond excited, beyond thrilled to have been right.

The ultrasound was amazing.

The ultrasound technician was so sweet. She was personable, friendly, and genuinely excited for us.

First things first, she asked if we wanted to know the gender, and when we said, "Yes," she did that right away, so we wouldn't have to wait in suspense.

She got the right angle, looked at us, and just said, "Well, there you go!" It was so blatantly obvious that you're a boy that she didn't even feel the need to clarify. Your dad and I just looked at each other with this knowing smile. We had been right. You are were so obviously a boy.

Then, when the tech moved on to the measurements and such, she was such a sweetheart. She explained everything in great detail so we would know what she was looking at, what measurements she was taking, and what we were seeing. I know she wasn't technically supposed to tell us whether or not the measurements and everything looked good, but she did anyway, which I really appreciated.

The way she conducted the ultrasound, if I hadn't known any better, I would have thought that this was one of her first ultrasounds...not because she wasn't professional (she certainly was), but because she took such joy in performing the it...it was as though, even after 14 years of doing ultrasounds, she never lost that initial joy and excitement she had her first time. Which, in my humble opinion, makes for a great technician.

She kept commenting on how beautiful you were, how perfectly formed, how adorable. I felt like a proud Momma just sitting there having her admire you.

She especially kept commenting on what "a beautiful four-chamber heart" you have. So I guess we know you don't have any heart problems!

She also gave us about eight pictures of you - she just kept on snapping those photos!

And she really took her time. The ultrasound ended up taking about 50 minutes all together, and I really think she would have gone longer if she didn't have other people to see.

She never got annoyed with my questions, and just chatted and laughed and joked with us while she took all the measurements and such.

Point is, she was exactly what we were hoping for...especially after our not-so-nice tech experience last time. I feel so blessed to have had such a wonderful experience this time. We really got to truly take in every beautiful moment of looking at your perfectly-forming little body.

But back to the main point.

As wonderful as it was to find out that you are a boy, and as much as I expected that outcome, it still feels so surreal. I cannot get over the fact that I have a SON. It really makes me feel like a mother. I finally feel like a mother. This is real. This is happening to me. No one can ever, ever take away from me the fact that I have a son. No matter what happens. You will always and forever be my little boy.

Probably the most amazing thing to me was that, at one point during the scan, she paused over your face for a few minutes, so we got to see you move. You kept opening and closing your mouth - almost like you were chewing something in there!

You are quite the squirmer, too; you kept moving around and changing position, which ended up being good, because the tech was able to get all of the measurements she needed. It is so hard to believe that you could be moving around inside of me as much as you are, and I can't feel it at all!

In the end, you're measuring about a week ahead of schedule, your heartbeat was in the 160s (I think it was 167, but your dad remembers it as 164), and you weigh about 10 ounces. You're definitely growing just as you should be!

Then, about an hour later, we had our next prenatal appointment, which was also wonderful. It was our first time at the birth center, and the midwife was awesome - so sweet and patient. She also really took her time to talk through everything with us and answer all of my questions. She confirmed, as well, that your ultrasound was perfect and that you and I are both looking super healthy.

We got to listen to your heartbeat there, too, and it was about 140, which would have worried me, since it was higher only an hour earlier, but the ultrasound tech mentioned to us during the ultrasound that your heartbeat would show up as slightly higher or lower depending on your position...so no worries!

While we were listening to your heartbeat, we kept hearing this weird static, which the midwife said was you moving around in there. It's so crazy we could actually hear you moving...and again, it's especially weird since I can't feel it at all yet!

Lastly, today I hit 140 pounds. I have never in my adult life weighed more than 135 or less than 130 - my body is actually really good at regulating my weight. But today, I hit 140. It feels like a milestone to me...a milestone that I am more than happy to embrace :)

In between the ultrasound and prenatal appointment, your dad and I did confirm your name, as well. We had chosen two boy names that we really liked, and we just needed to decide which one we were going to use for your first name and whether or not we wanted to use the other name as your middle name. But on the way to the prenatal appointment, I had to admit to your daddy that since the day that we narrowed it down to those two names, I have been referring to you in my head by one of them, and not the other. And he just said, "Okay." So, it's settled. Now we just need to decide if the other name will be your middle name, or if we are going to save it for the brother we hope to give you someday. We'll just see on that one. For now, I'm just happy to officially be able to call you by your name, especially now that my intuition was confirmed that you are a boy.

After all of these exciting events, your dad and I decided to head out and do a bit of registering. And it was so intimidating. There is so much to register for. There is so much to decide between. We spent about 2 1/2 hours there and didn't come even close to finishing the registry. We'll work on it, though, and hopefully finish it soon. But it was definitely fun to be able to look at specifically boy things, knowing that someday soon, we will have you, our precious son, in our arms.

It is so surreal to me to be able to refer to you with personal pronouns. We no longer have to talk about when "it" arrives or when "the baby" comes. We can say, "When he gets here," and even use your name when we talk about you together (of course, not with anyone else, since we're keeping your name a secret until you get here).

So, today has been quite the day: determining your gender, having our next appointment, deciding on your name for sure, registering.

What a wonderful, wonderful day.

I literally feel like I'm floating. I'm so thankful for you, Little One - so very blessed.

I love you, dear Son.

All My Heart,

Momma

ps...everyone else is so excited you're a little boy, too! And the midwife said I should for sure be feeling you by the time we have our next prenatal appointment, so I'm looking forward to getting to feel you move in the next couple weeks!!!

*Sonogram pictures to come when I finally figure out how to get them in the computer :)

A Ball of Nerves

Dearest Baby,

Well, it's only a few more days until we find out if you're a little boy or a little girl (Lord willing), and would you believe that I'm actually nervous?

Of course, I am impatient, too, but that's to be expected. And, quite frankly, today was the first day I became impatient, so I'm just glad that I haven't been counting down days for a month and will only be counting down the time for a few days, instead.

But I'm actually nervous, which is something I really didn't expect.

What if you're not a boy?

What if you're not a girl?

My stomach turns with both of these thoughts. I get nervous just thinking that you may not be a girl. I get nervous just thinking that you may not be a boy.

I suppose it's a good thing that I actually dread you not being either gender - that means that whether you're a boy or a girl, I'll be beyond thrilled, because I honestly can't decide which gender I would prefer.

Every time I think, "I hope it's a boy," the very next thought is "But a girl would be so wonderful." And vice versa.

I can hardly wait until Wednesday.

I'm hoping and praying that we'll find out your gender; if we don't, I will be so impatient to have another ultrasound!

So, here's hoping you reveal yourself to us :)

I love you so, so much, sweet Baby.

I can't wait to be able to call you "my daughter" or "my son." I get butterflies just thinking about it.

All My Heart,

Momma

Back to Reality

Hi Baby,

Well, we're back from our trip to visit your grandma, and it was so, so wonderful.

I have to be honest, I was a bit nervous about it.

We went to Las Vegas (not a place that I'm going to take you for quite a while...though there were an alarming number of parents with young kids around), and being Jesus-followers, I was concerned about all of the in-your-face, not-so-nice things about Vegas. I've been there a ton of times, but the last time I was there, I was 14, so I didn't remember too much about it. Mostly, I just went with what I've heard, and that kinda freaked me out.

But it was a really, really good trip.

We stayed for four nights, and our first hotel was INCREDIBLE.

Seriously.

We stayed in a SkyLoft suite (#72) in the MGM Grand. Now, I know that you can't do this right now, but someday, when you're reading this and you're a bit older, look it up. It was a 2-floor loft suite fully equipped with a crazy electronics system (everything from the lights and drapes, to the tv, to music was all connected with one giant remote like on Hitch), a butler (to make sure that our every whim was satisfied), and even a tv in the mirror of our bathroom (as well as one right in front of the tub...because who could survive with just one tv in their bathroom?).

(On a side note, we could NEVER afford something like this. Your grandma, though, spends a lot of time and money at the MGM Grand, so she was able to get us this room at no cost to us...free food and pay-per-view movies, too [which means your dad finally got to see Grown Ups and I finally got to see Valentine's Day (which, consequently, wasn't as bad as the reviews made it out to be)]!)

The first night, we quickly showered (in the most amazing shower/steam room I have ever experienced...seriously, I want that bathroom in our house) and changed out of airplane clothes and went out to a nice dinner with your grandma. Everything was SO delicious! Then we spent a bit of time playing video poker with your grandma, and your daddy hit a royal flush for her for $4,000 smackeroos!

After that, we pretty much called it a night...except that, as per usual, you wanted something to eat right before bed, so we got some room service. When your dad went downstairs (that's right - we had a downstairs in our suite) to get the food, he happened to mention that his wife was pregnant, and the next day, word about my pregnancy had spread like rapid fire amongst the butlers.

We were seriously treated like royalty. Everyone who worked for the hotel would stand up upon our entrance into a room, and if we happened to be walking down a hallway with a hotel worker, they would stand against the wall until we passed so that we could have the entire width of the hallway to ourselves.

All the fuss they made over us seemed kinda silly to me, but it was fun to have so many people doting on us for a few days. They even folded our dirty clothes, shined your dad's shoes, and pressed his suit when we weren't in the room!

Anyway, the next morning, your dad woke up very early (it's three hours earlier there, and he normally gets up at 6) and sent our butler to get him some coffee from Starbucks. How convenient it is to have a butler, it turns out! When I woke up, we ordered the champagne breakfast (you and I only had a teeny, tiny sip of champagne, just to taste it).

The actual breakfast portion was very "rich-people-food." Too much crab, too little egg. But the fresh fruit, yogurt, and home-made whipped cream that came with it was awesome!

Other things we did during our stay at the MGM Grand include, but are not limited to, the following:

- we ate amazing food...whenever we wanted...for free

- we played blackjack and both of us came out ahead

- we went to the Bellagio, ate at Olives (probably my favorite meal of the trip), and watched the Bellagio fountains

- your grandma got two more royal flushes for a grand total of $16,000

- your dad experienced having a steam room in our bathroom

- we got to take a super relaxing bubble bath in the infinity tub in our bathroom

- I ran into a door and got a giant bruise on my knee and forehead.

Okay, so that last experience doesn't quite fit in with the others, but it still happened :)

Thursday, we checked out of the MGM Grand and moved on to Aria. It was certainly nice, and the view from our room was AMAZING, but it was no two-floor-loft-suite (I think we may have gotten a little spoiled at MGM).

Thursday, before dinner, we went to a couple other hotels to look around (your grandma gave us a tour of some of the more popular places), and then we went to the Titanic exhibit at Luxor. It was really neat, but so sad. It's crazy to think that the last survivor of the Titanic died only a couple years ago. It really seems like the end of an era.

That night, your dad and I went to see Cirque de Soleil's "Love," and it was awesome. Your dad really isn't into theatre like I am, and even he said that it was the highlight of the trip, so that's saying something!

The next morning, I got the most fantastic pedicure I've ever had - so relaxing!

Friday afternoon, your grandma took us to an outlet mall, and she bought me a bunch of maternity clothes - two pairs of jeans (I only had one before, so it is really nice to have some more variety in my wardrobe...it makes laundry way less of a task), two sweaters, a tank top, and two light 3/4-length-sleeved tops. Even on clearance at an outlet mall, those clothes were not cheap, so your dad and I really would not have been able to afford getting more clothes for me if it weren't for your grandma. It meant so much to me that she would want to take me shopping and help out, and I think she enjoyed it, too!

While we were clothes shopping, the saleswoman gave me the "7-month-belly" to try on with the clothes. What a trip! It looked so realistic! And it was kinda cool to think that that will be me in just a few months - I can't wait :) I think seeing me look more pregnant with the belly really kind of shocked your dad, but he loved it, too.

After that, we went downtown to the Golden Nugget and at dinner at Hugo Cellar. You weren't too happy that night, so you and I didn't eat much, but the food looked incredible.

When we played a little downtown, I took a nice spill (it was quite graceful of me). Between that fall and my injuries from running into a door a few days early, I came home pretty battered and bruised!

That night when we got home, we took another bath, this time while we looked over the strip and enjoyed the beautiful, vibrant lights of the city and waited for our room service to arrive.

And that pretty much ended our trip. Of course, there was gambling between all of these events, but nothing too big. Just some slots while we waited for tables at restaurants and a bit of roulette and blackjack when we got home that night (before our bath, of course).

All in all, we were pretty surprised (and pleased) to come home with more money in our pockets than we left with - even with all the decadence that the trip afforded us!

It was such a wonderful trip, Baby, and your dad and I loved having that time to spend together and connect outside of our busy and hectic lives...school, work, internships, homework, and housework really wear on you after a while!

In the end, I'm feeling so blessed that your dad and I were able to have such a perfect "last trip before Baby." And we have your grandma to thank for that. She really wanted to be sure that this trip was very special for us, and it was. We got to have lots of time with her and lots of time along together, too. Everything worked out so well.

And now, your grandma's already asking when our next week off of school is, because she wants us to come visit once more before you arrive! We'd love to do it, but we'll have to see. Either way, I'm glad we got to go on this trip.

I love you lots and lots, Baby. A week from today, we find out if you are a little boy or a little girl!

Love,

Mom

Calm Down, Deep Breaths

Dear Sweet Baby,

It has been one heck of a week.

Very, very tiring.

Very, very long.

Very, very draining.

None of this has anything to do with you, Little Shrimp; it's just other life suckiness.

It's just been a rough week.

I will say this, the beginning of the week was much worse. Thursday and Friday got better. Hopefully today will continue that trend.

I don't really have much to say; I feel like I just need to calm down and take some deep breaths.

So, instead, I'm going to share with you some lyrics that are particularly meaningful to me right now with all that I've gone through this week.

Here's hoping you don't read this until you're in your teens or so, so that you won't be shocked by my use of the word "suckiness" (which I'm not going to say around you when you're a little one, because I don't want my three-year-old to be walking around saying "suck" - probably because that's how my parents raised me) or with some of the lyrics in said melody.

Details in the Fabric - Jason Mraz:

Calm down

Deep Breaths

And get yourself dressed

Instead

Of running around

And pulling all your threads

And

Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it

If it's a broken arm, then brace it

If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

Hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

And everything

Will be fine

Hang on

Help is on the way

Stay strong

I'm doing everything

Hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

Hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

And everything

Everything

Will be fine

Everything

Are the details in the fabric,

Are the things that make you panic,

Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow?

Hell, no reason, go on and scream

If you're shocked it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing

Everything

Will be fine

Everything

In no time at all

Everything

Hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

Hold your own

(Are the details in the fabric,)

Know your name

(Are the things that make you panic,)

And go your own way

(Are your thoughts results of static cling?)

Hold your own

(Are the details in the fabric,)

Know your name

(Are the things that make you panic,)

And go your own way

(Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?)

Hold your own

(Are the things that make you blow?)

Know your name

(Hell, no reason, go on and scream)

And go your own way

(If you're shocked it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing)

Everything

Will be fine

Everything

In no time at all

Hearts will hold

I love this song. The lyrics are so meaningful to me.

Someday you'll learn that I'm what I call a "word person." Words are very, very important to me. I will remember something nice that someone says to me for years and years; I'll also remember the not-so-nice stuff for years and years. It's my love of words, my love of language, my love of communication and self-expression, that make lyrics and literature so particularly meaningful to me.

I hope this song can be meaningful to you someday, too. Everything will be fine, Baby.

I love you so, so much.

Love,

Momma

ps...On Tuesday, we're leaving bright and early to go visit my mom (your grandma) in Nevada, so it'll probably be a little while before you hear from me again. Don't take it personally - your dad and I are using this trip as a way to spend some quality time together, away from all the craziness of life and prenatal appointments and homework and work, so I'll be spending next week just pouring into your dad and our relationship. You know how parents sometimes need to have dates away together without their children? Well, obviously you'll physically be with us, but we're taking that same sort of mindset with us on our trip...we need some "us" time. Love you, Baby!

Nervous

Dear Baby,

I know that this will probably sound silly since I just only a few hours ago talked about how wonderful it was to feel energetic again. But now, suddenly, I'm scared.

I had a great night of doing lots of dishes (I finally cleared the counter for the first time in weeks!), doing laundry, and cleaning. I got a lot done without really getting tired at all.

And at first, I thought that that was awesome - a perk of the second trimester that I had been told would eventually come.

But then, as I was folding the laundry, I started getting really nervous.

I'm going to be 15 weeks tomorrow - meaning I'm only 6 days into the second trimester.

And this energy came on really suddenly.

And now I'm scared that that means there's something wrong.

I know I'm probably overreacting...and really, until now, I've been really good about keeping a positive spirit and believing the best for at least the past month or so.

But I can't help but think that something is not right.

It probably doesn't help that I recently read a story about a woman who miscarried, and the first thing she noticed that was different was that all of her energy came back suddenly.

I really wish right now that I had a doppler, so I could try to find your sweet heartbeat and calm myself down...but I never did get a doppler, because your dad talked me out of buying one.

Which was fine.

I told myself he was right. I only had a few more weeks to wait until I could start feeling you move, and then I wouldn't need a doppler to know that you were alive and well anymore.

Why spend the money for just a few weeks' peace of mind?

I'm really wishing I hadn't given up on buying one right about now...especially knowing I have another three whole weeks to wait until our next appointment when I will finally get to hear your heartbeat again.

I know that I'll probably be laughing at myself come that appointment, but right now, I'm just really, really frightened.

I've been feeling a little nervous the past few days in general, because a couple days ago, I barely drank any water throughout the day (which I know is really bad since dehydration can cause miscarriage), and the past few days, I haven't eaten as much or as well as I should.

So that has made me worry about you anyway, because I was afraid that maybe not drinking enough or not eating enough could have harmed you. And now the addition of the return of my energy is just compounding things.

I'm sure it will end up being like the whole nausea thing where I got all alarmed that something was wrong with you a couple days before our first ultrasound when my nausea suddenly disappeared...only to reappear a few days after the ultrasound.

But I wish I could know for sure.

I love you so, so much, Baby, and I'm hoping and praying that your are growing strong and healthy.

With All My Heart,

Momma

Energy?

Hi Baby,

Is this some energy that I've been feeling sneaking up on me today? I hate to jinx it, but today was the first time that I noticed I wasn't feeling like I was about to fall asleep on the way home.

In fact, I actually felt pretty much ready to get home, make some dinner, do our dishes (finally!) and get some homework done!

Crazy!

Hopefully the energy will last...

Last night, we went to our church's fall "harvest party," which was a lot of fun!

We've been going to this church regularly for about three months now, and it's fairly small, so we're already gotten to talk with a bunch of the other members of the church. But there were still a few people we hadn't gotten to talk to, and tomorrow ended up being a really good opportunity to do that.

Everyone was really sweet, and it was great to get to know some new people!

And, of course, my favorite portion of the evening was when, for the second time, someone came up to me and pointed out that I am starting to show - it was so great!

So, it's been looking up on this end, and I'm hoping that the energy lasts :)

Love,

Mom