I know that this will probably sound silly since I just only a few hours ago talked about how wonderful it was to feel energetic again. But now, suddenly, I'm scared.
I had a great night of doing lots of dishes (I finally cleared the counter for the first time in weeks!), doing laundry, and cleaning. I got a lot done without really getting tired at all.
And at first, I thought that that was awesome - a perk of the second trimester that I had been told would eventually come.
But then, as I was folding the laundry, I started getting really nervous.
I'm going to be 15 weeks tomorrow - meaning I'm only 6 days into the second trimester.
And this energy came on really suddenly.
And now I'm scared that that means there's something wrong.
I know I'm probably overreacting...and really, until now, I've been really good about keeping a positive spirit and believing the best for at least the past month or so.
But I can't help but think that something is not right.
It probably doesn't help that I recently read a story about a woman who miscarried, and the first thing she noticed that was different was that all of her energy came back suddenly.
I really wish right now that I had a doppler, so I could try to find your sweet heartbeat and calm myself down...but I never did get a doppler, because your dad talked me out of buying one.
Which was fine.
I told myself he was right. I only had a few more weeks to wait until I could start feeling you move, and then I wouldn't need a doppler to know that you were alive and well anymore.
Why spend the money for just a few weeks' peace of mind?
I'm really wishing I hadn't given up on buying one right about now...especially knowing I have another three whole weeks to wait until our next appointment when I will finally get to hear your heartbeat again.
I know that I'll probably be laughing at myself come that appointment, but right now, I'm just really, really frightened.
I've been feeling a little nervous the past few days in general, because a couple days ago, I barely drank any water throughout the day (which I know is really bad since dehydration can cause miscarriage), and the past few days, I haven't eaten as much or as well as I should.
So that has made me worry about you anyway, because I was afraid that maybe not drinking enough or not eating enough could have harmed you. And now the addition of the return of my energy is just compounding things.
I'm sure it will end up being like the whole nausea thing where I got all alarmed that something was wrong with you a couple days before our first ultrasound when my nausea suddenly disappeared...only to reappear a few days after the ultrasound.
But I wish I could know for sure.
I love you so, so much, Baby, and I'm hoping and praying that your are growing strong and healthy.
With All My Heart,